Giving your partner just one orgasm is cause for celebration. But giving your partner multiple orgasms? Well, that’s enough reason to throw a freaking parade.
That said, one small note: the ability to come more than once comes (pun intended) far more easier for people with a vulva than it does for people with a penis. A penis-owner has to wait for their refractory period to pass before they’re ready for round two, but vulva-owners don’t seem to need the same reloading phase, says Men’s Health sex advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. So the following information applies almost exclusively to readers whose partners have a vulva.
But just because your partner can come twice—or more!—in a row, it doesn’t mean they will. Studies suggest that somewhere between 14 and 40 percent of women have had multiple orgasms in one session. So how do you help your partner become one of the lucky ones? Here are 13 expert-approved steps you can take to try and give them multiple orgasms.
1) Make sure your partner wants to have multiple orgasms to begin with.
Some people would rather cuddle after climaxing than be pressured into an encore. Plus, vulva-owners differ dramatically in regard to how they can achieve one orgasm, let alone multiple orgasms, so it’s possible they may be too sensitive to want to go again for Round Two. Always check in with your partner before trying to make them come again, and never make them feel bad if they can’t pull off a repeat performance. (It’s like, come on guys, how often are you coming three, four, or five times in a night?)
2) Let go of any goals you’ve set for the night.
On a similar note, don’t put any expectations on your partner. You DON’T want to say something like, “I want you to come five times tonight.” Even if they want to orgasm five times, it adds a lot of pressure. “The brain is by far the most important sexual organ, so if your partner feels as though there is an expectation to have multiple orgasms, then it’s probably won’t happen,” explains Cory B., kink coach and sex educator. “Instead, focus simply on facilitating an environment of pleasure for the sake of pleasure.”
3) Create lots of sexual tension.
Building up desire is a precursor to any sexual activity. But creating copious amounts of sexual tension can be just what she needs to achieve a bonus orgasm. “You want her to retain her feelings of overall arousal when her body starts to relax after having the first orgasm,” says Amie Harwick, author of The New Sex Bible for Women. So take a few minutes’ break in between. Give your partner a massage or just cuddle.
4) Use sex toys.
This is by the far the most direct way to get your partner to have multiple orgasms. Sex toys do things that you (and your penis) can’t, no matter how hard you try. They vibrate, curve, suction, pulse, and so much more. I mean, there’s a goddamn sex toy out there for pretty much any and everything, and they can take over when your hands and tongue get tired. For starters, consider incorporating a clitoral vibrator—like options below—into your routine. You or your partner can hold it against their clitoris during foreplay, penetration, and even during your post-intercourse cuddle sesh for one last round.
5) Keep your partner idling.
After your partner has an orgasm, give their clitoris a short break, as it becomes super sensitive for many women immediately after sex, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. If you’re too focused on that area, she may not be ready to go again. Wait a couple of minutes at minimum before heading back to their clitoris.
6) Don’t ignore their breasts and butt.
During the time you’re idling, you can and should still attempt to keep your partner aroused. “Since after a clitoral orgasm, going right back into clitoral stimulation can be a lot to handle since the clit is super sensitive, try some internal or anal stimulation to give the clit a much needed break,” says Cory B. You can also play with your partner’s breasts and whisper in their ear about how beautiful they are. Your goal is to keep them in a semi-aroused state so you don’t have to start from scratch to bring them back to the top of the mountain.
