>> GAL GADOT, I’MMA — I’MMA?
I MMA, IS THAT A WORD?
I’MMA BE WONDERING WHY THAT
WOMAN GOT NO TITTIES.
THEY’RE HERE.
>> EMMA WOTSON SEEMS LIKE THE
TYPE OF GIRL I’D BE FRIENDS WITH
FOR LIKE THREE DAYS AND THEN GET
SICK OF BUT NOT TELL HER.
>> JAKE GYLLENHAAL HAS THE MOST
PUNCHABLE FACE OF ALL TIME.
I’D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO
SOCK HIM IN HIS UGLY, SOFT,
STARRY-EYED PUG FACE.
>> ELISABETH MOSS LOOKS
STUNNING, I THINK SHE CAN CLEAN
UP WELL, DESPITE MY
GRANDMOTHER’S HARSH OPINION THAT
SHE’S HIDEOUS.
>> I BET THAT JOHN LITHGOW’S
BALL SACK LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HIS
FACE. MY FACE IS NOT COMPLIMENTED BY
MY BALL SACK IS.
>> DAVE CHAPPELL HEAD DON’T FIT
HIS BODY NO MORE.
HE FORGOT TO EXERCISE THAT MILK
DUD.
>> ALL FROWNING OLD DUDES ARE
JEFFREY TAMBOR TO ME.
THAT’S JUST HURTFUL.
>> CAN DWETH PALTROW STICK TO
STEAMING HER VAGINA AND SHUT THE
[ BLEEP ] UP FOR GOD SAKE.
>> JENNIFER ANSTOR IS WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN A BAG OF FLOUR GETS
ITS BIG BREAK.
BECAUSE IT’S LIKE I’M A BAG OF
FLOUR. FUNNY.
>> JIM PARSONS LOOKS LIKE A
VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY THAT CAME TO
LIFE TO BECOME A SEX OFFENDER.
OH, GOD.
>> JAMIE LANSTER HAS A TINY
[ BLEEP ], PASS IT ON.
>> KRISTIN BELL SEEMS LIKE THE
KIND OF PERSON I’D BE THRILLED
TO BE PAIRED UP WITH FOR A
SCHOOL PROJECT BUT THEN WOULD
NEVER WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HER
OTHERWISE. THAT’S PROBABLY TRUE.
>> I BET JENNIFER LAWRENCE GIVES
REAL UNENTHUSIASTIC [ BLEEP ].
HOW DO THEY KNOW?
>> I’M GOING TO SUBMIT BOB
ODENKIRK TO UGLY WHITES.
>> SOMEONE JUST TOLD ME I SMILED
LIKE MICHAEL KEATON AND I DON’T
KNOW IF I SHOULD TAKE ONE
MILLION SELFIES OR PUT A GUN IN
MY MOUTH.
I’D PUT A GUN IN YOUR MOUTH.
>> AT REAL DONALD TRUMP WRITES
JUST TRIED WATCHING “SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE,” UNWATCHABLE,
TOTALLY BIASED, NOT FUNNY AND
THE BALDWIN IMPERSONATION JUST
CAN’T GET ANY WORSE.
SAD. >> IS KUMAIL’S [ BLEEP ]
MULTIPLE COLORS.
YES, EVERY SHADE OF YOUR MOM’S
LIP STICKS.
