Welp, it’s official. Donald Trump has swept the primaries thus far, leaving ketchup stains and Nikki Haley in his wake. Or has he? For whatever reason, Nikki Haley just won’t stay down. She’s like one of those inflatable clowns you punch that keep popping back up.
Why won’t she quit? Well, ironically enough, she’s facing off against another thin- skinned tubby clown with an inflated ego and painted face who just won’t go away. There is, however, still a slight chance his sharpie has finally written a check his adult- diapered-ass can’t cash.
While Nikki Haley’s balloon is all but popped, all these witch hunts are starting to look like they might have found a witch. In which case, Haley could rise like the comet bearing her name.
Of course if Don John had his way, we wouldn’t mention the witch case. Which case? Great question. It’s tough to keep track of all this stable genius’ problems. Right now he’s facing multiple charges in multiple states. The man has more cases than the Verizon store.
He’s already been found liable for fraud, sexual assault, and defamation leading to fines of nearly half a billion dollars. Or, as he puts it, one toilet at Mar-a-Lago. Which, incidentally is where he keeps his classified documents – whether he’s eaten them first or not. Like those documents he ate and flushed, it’s safe to say the man is in deep shit.
Not only is he being charged with mishandling documents, but he has multiple changes surrounding his attempts to hang Mike Pence – er, overturn or subvert the 2020 election results. Safe to say he’s been a bad boy and should be spanked with a magazine bearing his own face. Oh, wait. That’s another charge.
He’s also awaiting trial for paying hush money to a porn star for the TIME she smacked him in the ass and did whatever other unthinkable acts this pussy grabber may or may not be into. Allegedly.
Despite being a scourge on earth, the Trump train rolls on and it seems as though it’s unlikely to be derailed before facing off in a rematch against the mummified corpse of Joe Biden.
Nothing new there. Literally. That is, unless Nikki Haley can keep bouncing back up long enough to wait out the only thing slower than our president, the legal process of the people vs Mr. Covfefe.
For the time being, she’s getting taken out behind the wood shed and, well, if you want more details, you’ll have to read Stormy Daniels book. Just know, it’s not pretty.
None of this is.
By:
Richard Anderson got his comedy start in his hometown of Boulder, CO. After earning a high BAC at the University of Colorado, he spent a decade honing his writing chops in Chicago’s renown comedy scene, including The Second City. He was heralded by the Chicago Tribune for his “funny lines” and “ear for the ridiculous.” He has since moved to Los Angeles where he continues to ghostwrite for film, TV, and children’s literature. He is available for hire on Upwork.
