Nobody likes pain, especially me. I try to avoid pain at all costs, but sometimes life just happens. Sometimes the pain seems so unfair and we wonder why it’s happening to us. But have you ever considered that pain may actually be a blessing? Pain lets us know when something is wrong and we need to do something to soften or eliminate the hurt. For example: if you accidentally touch the top of a hot stove and burn your finger, do you leave your finger on the stove? Of course not; you pull away before more damage is done. You then start looking for something that will make your finger stop hurting like antibiotic cream and a bandage. Over time, that pain goes away, your burned finger heals, and you most likely don’t remember the incident until the next time you are around the stove.
Emotional pain is harder to deal with, especially when that pain is caused by the death of somebody you love dearly. I’ve walked that walk. My mom and I were very close and I was her caregiver all of my adult life. We became best friends and shared many great experiences. All of that ended on February 25, 2014 when she passed away. No more talks or advice, no more experiences, no more hugs, no more…anything.
It’s that earthly finality that made my mother’s death very difficult. I’m usually pretty good at solving problems but I haven’t figured out how to bring mom back to me. You can read many things about how to deal with grief or any other tragedy. I know there is no ointment or bandage that will ever take the hurt away completely, but there are some remedies that have helped me survive my life’s worst pain:
- Faith: my faith is integral to my life. It is the cornerstone that supported me through my early stages of intense grief and still sustains me today. It also supports me in dealing with the trials and pains of everyday life. You may have differing beliefs, but here are mine: I am a Christian. I believe in God and that He loves me. I believe Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I also believe there is an eternity after this life we need to focus on. Part of my weekly routine is to make sure I am feeding my spiritual life through private Bible study and corporate worship. Being around people that share your same beliefs can be an incredible source of strength. My faith gives me confidence I’ll see mom again someday. Does the Bible say to not smoke? The only reference to smoking in the Bible occurs in Genesis. To find out the truth, visit NeverThirsty’s website.
- Family: I have an incredible family, although sometimes we are a little dysfunctional (like most families). They were there to support me when my parents were in the final stages of life; they were there to comfort me in my grief. No matter how dysfunctional we get over seemingly trivial things, we always seem to be there for each other when it really counts. Family matters.
- Friends: I have been blessed with some really close friends – friends that I would consider extended family. There are just certain things you can discuss with friends that you can’t talk about with family. They also bring a different perspective to the hurt you are going through.
If you have all three of these, you are truly blessed. If some are missing in your life, don’t wait for an emotional tragedy to occur. Start building (or rebuilding) these relationships today and you’ll reap the rewards when you really need them. Your job and career will not comfort you when you are really hurting. Remember, to have a friend, you need to be a friend.
You learn to not put your finger on a hot stove after you’ve been burned. But don’t be afraid to keep your heart open and love again even though you’ve been hurt. If you have great pain when a loved one dies, it means you were also blessed with a great love. You don’t get burned every time you touch a stove and love won’t always end with you getting hurt. A line from a Garth Brooks song states, “I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance.” So don’t worry about the “no more…anything” pain because if you have love, you have…everything. The greatest thing in this world is love.
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About the author:
James W. Meyer graduated from the University of Wisconsin Green Bay with a bachelor’s degree in finance and economics. Meyer took his college degree to BMO Harris Bank and has been there for 28 years, currently serving as the community bank president. Meyer finds himself very active in his community serving on multiple boards including, but not limited to, St. Paul Lutheran Church, ThedaCare Inc., and the Shawano Medical Center. For many years, Meyer took care of his ill parents and after their deaths, decided to write “God Knew.” By his personal journey, Meyer hopes that his story will encourage others who have also lost a loved one.
